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Sex addicts anonymous twelve step program – What is abstinence?

Abstinence is key
Twelve step programs talk about sexual abstinence as the cornerstone for a healthy life. But are the talking about not having sex at all? Or are some sexual activities healthy while others are not?

What is sexual abstinence?
According to Sex Addicts Anonymous, abstinence does not mean giving up sex. Instead, twelve step literature claims certain types of sexual behaviors lead to feelings of shame, remorse, emptiness and craving for more. The trick is to distinguish between these compulsive sex acts and safe, joyful and intimate acts of sexual expression that are within your personal moral code. So, in the twelve steps, sex addicts do not give up healthy sexual expression. Rather, a sex addict “gives up acting out: the compulsive, painful and destructive sexual behaviors.”

How do you define sexually acting-out?
Twelve step groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous agree that abusive or high-risk sex acts are not OK. In other words, you should not have sex without consent or sex that puts you in danger. Other than these, SAA has not come to a consensus on which sex acts are acting-out and which are not. The group leaves it to you to define which types of sex acts affect you negatively.

How does a sex plan work?
When you join a twelve step group, you choose a sponsor who can guide you through the process of learning about sexual addiction, accepting your own weaknesses, and working towards a spiritual solution to stop acting out sexually. One very powerful way of monitoring compulsive sexual behavior is to write out a sex plan. You first define which sex behaviors lead to negative consequences and the patterns that lead up to them. After writing out a list of ACTING-OUT sex behaviors, the addict can then restrict these certain sex acts. Twelve step groups suggest that you revise a sex plan only with the help of a sponsor, to keep you accountable and provide a second opinion.

Discussion
In all, I think that the twelve step approach to sex addiction is a healthy process of normalizing sexual behavior. As with food, we could not exist as a species without sex. But understanding ourselves, creating limits, and having sex within these limits can promote healthy sexual expression. But what do you think? Do twelve step programs work? What about relapse? Your comments are welcomed here.

Find a twelve step program meeting

COSA – Codependents of Sex Addicts cosa-recovery.org
SAA – Sex Addicts Anonymous sexaa.org
SLAA – Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous slaafws.org
SA – Sexaholic Anonymous sa.org
SCA – Sexual Compulsives Anonymous sca-recovery.org
SRA – Sexual Recovery Anonymous sexualrecovery.org

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Reference sources: http://www.sexaa.org/SAALiterature/English/Abstinence/

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7 Responses to “Sex addicts anonymous twelve step program – What is abstinence?
Stu
12:24 am March 13th, 2012

Another very good 12 step program is CELEBRATE RECOVERY

4:20 am March 13th, 2012

Thanks for sharing, Stu. How has Celebrate Recovery helped you with sexual compulsion or behaviors?

jonny seiger
11:28 am June 28th, 2012

i mastubate 25 times a day

8:27 pm June 28th, 2012

Hello Johnny. Thanks for your message. I would agree that 25 times is excessive for masturbation. Have you consulted or sought help yet with a sex therapist? I’d suggest that you contact a professional through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), The American Board of Sexology, or a similar organization. It can be very helpful to work with someone who can direct you towards making a change in your life, instead of trying to do it alone.

sheldon
3:36 am July 14th, 2013

i really dont find this funny i started when i was in 6th grade remained a virgin till i was 32 going on 33 and enjoy it when ever i can get some but spend more time still playing pocket pool! want to do this with a chick but can stop playin with myself long enough! So to me its messing up my life im 34 now and im always aroused! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Me serouisly Help

12:51 pm July 16th, 2013

Hello Sheldon. I’d suggest that you meet with a clinical psychologist with experience in sexual disorders. There may be some problems with intimacy present that you need to face, or methods that can help you control compulsive behavior. Either way, professional help can…well, help.

vineet
1:38 pm December 5th, 2014

i am addicted to masturbate from past 10 years .please help me

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